She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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