Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize