if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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