Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
