I'm sorry my penis didn't work
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
