I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
