I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
