We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
