just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
