and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
