the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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