theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
