never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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