I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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