so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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