I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
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I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize