4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
