grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
