Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
