why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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