i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
