Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this will be a night to untag.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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