Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
