so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
