Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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