I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
