Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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