Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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