Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my shit smells like andre
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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