I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
