My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize