god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
