Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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