just tell him i said nine months
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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