You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
