i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
