Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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