I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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