And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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