And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
