I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
