I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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