and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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