We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
