this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
