I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
