It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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