I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
