Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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