talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
