My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
