Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
