I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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