I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
