Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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