She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was born a porn star she said
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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