I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
