Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've blown a few things in my day
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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