Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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