The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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