Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
