i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's paper in my vomit.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
