My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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