rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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