So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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