he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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