I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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