Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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