Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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