i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
