I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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