big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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