He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
