Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
