we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
